With A Whisper

I've been obsessing over Lifehouse again these past few nights. I've been listening to their songs for more than a decade now, but last night, I was brought to my knees.

And You can shake the mountains with a whisper

And You, You speak and I fall at Your feet again

Sometimes, we don't realize we're lost until we're found. It wasn't until I heard that song that I realized how far I wandered. It wasn't until I heard those words that I remembered how wonderful falling in love with Him can be. I remember feeling that way. I remember the beauty. I remember the joy.

It's easy to love Him during the harvest. It's easy to raise your hands and praise Him when life is good. It takes so much faith and patience to love Him during the drought. I've been so caught up in myself--in my pain and my confusion, and it took me so long to figure out that I was miserable because I spent more time seeking answers than simply seeking Him. It was so easy for me to say that I couldn't find Him, when I probably wasn't even really looking for Him.

And it was there, with knees bent, face drenched with tears, and a heart shattered into a million pieces, that He shook me with a whisper. Just like that, I am home. I am found. I am whole.

My heart is so full right now. I feel complete. I feel loved. For the first time in a long time, I feel content.

I am running, not sure where I'm going

and going as fast as I can

and I'm trusting that You'll lead me

and carry me the rest of the way

Everything I want is everything You are

Everything I am is Yours

it's Yours and Yours alone

04.24.15, 3:53AM

Small Victories

I can't believe it's been a year.

Like my Bible-reading, it started out as a 21-day challenge. I told myself that I only had to hold back on soda for 21 days, and then I'd go from there.

And here we are, one year and only three relapses later.

Society tells us to rejoice at big moments--graduations, birthdays, job promotions--and we should. But we are never told to celebrate voluntary rehabilitation, quitting smoking, sticking to diet plans... Society ridicules us when we make a big fuss out of these achievements, but really, aren't they just as worthy of a celebration?

If it took all the strength that you had to get out of bed this morning, celebrate. If you finally put on your running shoes after weeks or months of excuses, celebrate. If you have successfully cut down your caffeine intake from three cups to one cup per day, give yourself that pat on the back. Sure, there may be some areas in your life you're still struggling with, but even for just one moment, allow yourself to appreciate that hard-earned progress, no matter how silly it may seem to other people.

After all, aren't small victories still victories?

Trying

We are all trying--some harder than the others, but we are all trying. Even getting out of bed requires a certain amount of effort. Even going back to bed requires a certain amount of effort. One can just stand in front of the coming bus, or jump off a bridge, or just refuse to get up. Day in and day out, we are all trying, and we all have to appreciate that.

I posted this as a Facebook status early last year, and I'm posting it here this time as a reminder to myself. There are so many words to be said, so many ideas to be thought, and so many things to be done, but for now, trying has to be enough.

Found

"You will seek Me and find Me 

when you seek Me with all your heart." 

                      - Jeremiah 29:13

Whenever I try to recall how I got here, I always go back to the summer of 2012. I didn't know where I was being led to, and I had no idea how it would change me, but God indeed moves in ways we cannot imagine.

Three years have passed, and I can honestly say that I'm a different person now. God's love is transformative--His grace never leaves us where it found us.

When God finds you, the world around you changes. Because when God finds you, you see the world through grateful eyes.

Ps Christian Flores asked, "Are you still as excited today in cherishing that gift as that day you first received it?"

I'm answering "yes", without any hesitation. I wrote this two years ago, and I'm still as captivated as I have been. I have endured storms and drizzles and hurricanes since then, and in the end, I don't think I've ever loved Him more. He still takes my breath away. I have no doubts that He always will.

I will always stand in awe of Him.

"He determines the number of the stars

and calls them each by name." 

                                         - Psalm 147:4