Dreaming With Eyes Wide Open

This happened 5 days ago and I know I should move on, but the thought that Jason Wade has seen my painting still gives me tachycardiaaaaa.

And I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream. <3>

Lifehouse In Manila

I don't know where to start, so I'll start with this:

I posted this when they came to the Philippines last 2012. I don't know how I knew they'd be back this year. Yes, it was so amazing. It still feels surreal.

From catching up with old friends to meeting new friends to fulfilling a dream to singing my heart out to running in the rain to sitting on the airport floor at the end of it all, October 8 was definitely one for the books. So, so blessed and so overwhelmed.

I felt like I was half-awake and half-dreaming the whole time. I wanted to freeze every minute and commit every detail to memory. There were moments when I would close my eyes, stop singing along, and just listen to that beautiful voice that has comforted me many, many times.

Forever crush Jason Wade was smiling at me!

Or maybe I'm deluding myself but whatever. :p

I've been waiting for this for so long. 

I've loved Lifehouse since No Name Face, but it was around three years ago that their songs took on a different depth for me. I fell deeper in love.

And if I were to sing one last song at the end of my life, it would be "Everything." It's amazing how this song effortlessly captures who I am, who and where I want to be, who and what I live for.

How can I stand here with You,

and not be moved by You?

Would you tell me

how could it be any better than this?

I've been posting my request for a full version of "Everything" on their social media accounts, so I was a bit saddened that it didn't happen. They did try to make it up with an electric ending, and I appreciate that. I guess that just gives me an excuse to watch their next concert.LOL

It's been a week and I still can't move on. I keep reminiscing how magical everything was. They sounded just like they do on record, which--in this autotune culture--is a beautiful, beautiful thing. That's one of the best things about Lifehouse: what you see is what you get. No frills, no dramas, no gimmicks. Just raw awesomeness. And I know this was supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but to be honest, I can't wait to see them live again.

And the feeling just might be mutual.

Found myself between Jason and Ricky. :D

Credits to the official Lifehouse facebook page.

(All photos were taken using an iPhone 6 unless otherwise stated. It would've been nice to have Drew with me, but dSLRs were banned and I didn't want to risk confiscation.)

25

Unphotographed Memories: Love Letter For A Savior

Watercolor on Watercolor Paper

I never thought that my journey from 24 to 25 would take me through the heights and depths that it did.

This will probably be the only time I will talk about this. I came from a dark place--a place filled with self-doubt, insecurity, and worthlessness. For months, I slept on a tear-soaked pillow. I would wrap my arms around my chest, trying to hold myself together. Most times, I pleaded for God to take the pain away. I fell apart every night, and got glued together every morning.

I wish I could say that I'm far, far away from that place now, but I'm not. I still get so scared. I get scared of hoping, of wanting, of dreaming again. Some days, I'm still haunted by those moments that left me broken and crying out for grace.

I guess you could say that I'm still trying to find myself again.

I don't know where God is taking me. Every day, I muster up the courage and put one shaky foot in front of the other, knowing in my heart that I am where I needed to be, that I am where He wanted me to be.

Now more than ever, I understand that there is a master plan so grand that I wouldn't be able to comprehend it if God would explain it to me in one sitting. I feel like I'm watching Him slowly put the puzzle pieces together, and I'm holding onto the faith that tells me that one day, in His time, I will see the grandeur of the artwork He's creating with my life.

"The magic words: One day at a time. 

God will give me the strength for today,

and tomorrow I will pray for the strength for tomorrow." 

                                    - Maria Cristina

Birthday Wishes

Psalms

I started painting again, after almost half a decade. It still dumbfounds me how it feels like I've never stopped, like I've been doing this my whole life. I look at my trembling hands and I can't help but be amazed how He can accomplish so much through them, in spite of their imperfections.

Once in a while, it just hits me: God's grace is overwhelming. 

Halfway

I'm a bit behind schedule, but I'm finally halfway through this reading challenge. Now if only I can spend less time painting and more time reading, or stay off of fan fiction for a long while, I might actually finish this before the year ends.LOL

The End

I just finished reading Tommy Wallach's We All Looked Up, and if I wasn't reading the ebook version, I would have thrown it across the room. 

But I don't want to talk about the book.

If the world will come to an end a month from now, I probably won't be hysterical. 

Everyone has regrets--should've-beens and could've-beens, and sure, I wish I would get to travel the world and get married before I die. However, I'd like to think that I have lived my life in the best way I could, given the circumstances. I don't have much--I never did--but for what I do have, I'm grateful. I am not a genius or a prodigy, but whatever little talents I've been given, I did not neglect. I am not blameless, but I try to live as righteously as I can. I am not worthy, but He has filled my life with love. I am surrounded with the love of those who matter. True, some of that love may not come in the form or intensity that I wanted, but I am thankful nonetheless. Life has been good. God has been good to me.

When the end comes, I will gladly put my hands in His.

Everything

On clear nights, I get to see a blanket of stars just by pushing my curtains to the side. Whenever I'm reading a book I can't put down, I can even see the sky magically changing from the deepest black to azure to a breathtaking blend of reds and violets then--finally--to the blue we all know.

There are days when I forget all that's lost and all that hasn't arrived, and simply feel grateful for the grace that fills my hands and the love that fills my heart.

The world tells me there are so many things I should gain, but looking back, my happiest moments have never been costly. I'm happiest when I see Him in the mountains and hear Him in the rain. When I feel Him in the wind and smell Him in the flowers. When I stand in awe of Him.

The world may tell me that I have nothing, but I know in my heart that because I have God, I have more than enough. I have everything.