Be kind.

It doesn't often occur to us how little acts of kindness can make a difference.

I pray that somehow, in some ways, I was able to inspire someone to be kinder to others.

On faith.

I don't think this will be cohesive.

I'm writing this because I came across a blog post bashing a certain Christian celebrity for posting John 14:6 and Acts 4:12 on Instagram during Pope Francis' visit.

My beliefs have changed, but my family is Catholic so I watched the live telecasts of the Papal Masses with them. I think his messages were beautiful and inspiring. 

I just don't understand why people are so defensive about those verses. After all, we more or less have the same Bible, so those verses are true for all of us.

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. 

More than three years ago, I had this urge to attend Sunday service at TouchPoint @ Ayala. A friend brought me there when we were still in college, probably twice or thrice, and although I found the messages to be beautiful, I was just not moved then. This time, it felt like some kind of calling, so I went back, albeit a bit anxious and a bit wary. I still wasn't moved that Sunday, but for some reason, I kept going back, Sunday after Sunday, until one day I woke up and realized I was a different person.

I was reborn. I found beauty in a flock of birds, in the raindrops hitting my fingertips, in a patch of sunlit floorboard. I would wake up at 9AM even if I came from a night shift. I started reading my Bible every day and started to enjoy reading it. I stopped being late for work. He has never felt so real to me. I've never felt so compelled to seek Him. I've never been so in love with Him. 

I'm not saying I'm blameless. As much as I want to be Christlike, I fall short. I know I always will. But my faith guides me to walk in His light, and isn't that what faith should do? Shouldn't it make us love Him more? Shouldn't it make us love others more? 

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.

You can drag someone into your church, kicking and screaming. You can guilt trip him into going with you. You can bash everything he says that is contrary to your own beliefs. But really, I don't see how dragging, guilt-tripping, and bashing could be the best way to proclaim the Gospel. After all, don't we believe in a loving God? 

Why do we always underestimate the power of prayer? Why can't we pray for God to change someone's heart, to make him more like Him? After all, don't we believe in an omnipotent God?

To the people who prayed for my change of heart, thank you. I will be forever grateful.

Beauty and Madness

Today, I woke up thinking about love and all the beauty that comes with it.

I once fell in love with someone who seemed to be made for me--someone who really got me. He didn't even try; it was so effortless. People around us would say that we slipped into our own little bubble whenever we were together. It was as if we were synced, like we were in the same wavelength. That didn't mean we didn't have differences. In fact, we enjoyed bantering and arguing with each other. 

But even then, with all the beauty and the madness, I just knew we weren't going to end up together.

In an alternate reality, he would've been perfect for me. We would've been perfect for each other. People write songs and poems and novels about something so rare. People search the world for it, and we had it. We still do. We still hang out once in a while and every time, there's still that "automatic" connection. We just get each other. We would've been perfect for each other, but the choices that we make lead us to where we're going, and our choices led us to this version of reality.

Not too long ago, I've learned that love is not enough. It's not enough for him to love you. He also has to choose you, and he has to choose you every day for the rest of your lives. Holding out for someone who is emotionally unavailable is almost always tragic. It is almost always destructive.

Having someone who effortlessly understands you may be beautiful, but I'd rather love someone who chooses to understand me and will make that choice every day, even when it's hard.

Joy comes in the morning.

"Weeping may stay for the night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning."

                    - Psalm 30:5

My 2014 was blessed with quite a number of sunrises, one of which I consider to be the most magnificent sunrise I have ever seen. Sadly, I didn't get to take a photograph, so I promised myself that I would paint it someday. 

But this year, I'm looking forward to a different kind of sunrise. I'm looking forward to dreams coming true and promises being fulfilled. I'm preparing to be blown away by His majesty. 

The dawn is breaking. This year, God will reveal His glory in ways we never imagined, and we will stand in awe of Him. It will be the most magnificent sunrise anyone has ever seen.

2014: No more fears, only flying.

I was looking through this year's stack of photographs, and I can't believe how exhausting 2014 had been. And beautiful. And seemed so much longer than it actually was.

2014 was just as exhilarating as it was heartbreaking. Yes, it was about goodbyes, broken dreams, and heartbreaks, but it was also about hellos and love and faith.

"But now, Lord, what do I look for?

My hope is in You."

                    - Psalm 39:7

If this year has taught me anything, it's to trust God even when nothing seems to make sense. To keep believing when it's hardest to believe. To keep holding on to the dreams that He had placed in my heart, knowing that in His time and in His way, they will be fulfilled. At the end of the storms and drizzles and hurricanes, there will be a rainbow. I believe that God will do amazing things this 2015, and will reveal His glory in ways that we never imagined. I'm looking forward to that.

When God Says No

I've been putting off writing this entry because I don't quite know what to say.

The past two months have been emotionally exhausting. I kept searching my heart, trying to find ulterior motives, trying to find something that could have displeased God--anything that could give me the answers that I so desperately needed to understand what was going on.

I wish I could tell you that I'm okay. I wish I could tell you that I have everything figured out. The truth is, there are still nights when I stay up wondering where I'm supposed to go from here. When God says no, it can be world-shattering--for a moment, it can shatter your world.

I found this two nights ago, and tears were already streaming down my face halfway through. It hit me so hard because a part of me believed that I must have done something wrong to deserve this pain, that God must have been rebuking me. And reading these words was relieving and heartbreaking at the same time.

"Never try to help God fulfill His word. Abram went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all of his self-sufficiency was destroyed. He grew past the point of relying on his own common sense. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not a period of God’s displeasure. There is never any need to pretend that your life is filled with joy and confidence; just wait upon God and be grounded in Him."

- September 2, 2013 Bread of Life Ministries Devotional (emphasis added)

Three Sundays ago, we were talking about Hagar and how the angel of the Lord appeared to her and asked her, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?" The angel did not address her as the woman by the spring. He called her by her name.

"God knows you by name and by what you do. He knows where you are. Your situation came through the hands of a loving God."

- Ps Bing Zubiri

It's not an end-all cure-all lesson. Maybe it is for some, but sadly, for me, it's not. It is, however, a reminder that I can keep in my heart as I take each step, as I try and move forward.

So I won't say that I'm okay. Maybe one day, I will find the purpose for this pain. Maybe one day, I will be able to thank Him for this storm. For now, I can only say that I'm getting by with His strength, with His grace, with His unfailing love. For now, I'm walking in faith, knowing that God knows who I am and where I am, and that He hears me.

Answered Prayers

And suddenly I'm smothered with all the promises He had placed in my heart.

Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 145:13, Joshua 23:14, Matthew 19:26, John 15:7, Mark 11:24, Psalm 27:14, Psalm 38:15--I've known them by heart, but right now, they are alive in me. 

My heart is filled with so much hope and so much gratitude. And I am overwhelmed by God's faithfulness.

The future awaits. :)