A Beautiful Exhaustion

Life exhausts me most days.

Most days, I am exhausted, trying to take in the breadth and depth of everything, trying to record every fascinating detail.

There are so many things to be done. So many places to be seen. Sunsets to be photographed. Books to be read. Words to be written. Songs to be learned and played.  Cups of coffee to be drunk. Conversations to be had. People to have these conversations with.  Stories to be told. Happiness to be shared.

At the end of the day, I lie on my bed with words and letters and phrases swirling in my head. And I would ignore the blinking colon on my alarm clock until finally, finally, my eyelids become too heavy to not fall shut.

There was a time when I slept to escape the monochromacy. Now, my life is a kaleidoscope.

Sunday Lessons: Follow Him for the right reasons.

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from the blazing furnace and from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

                                                                 - Daniel 3:16

And I'm using this John Green quote again because I think it expresses a somewhat similar sentiment, and because I just really love how Green worded it:

“I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell, and then I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God.”

We follow Him not because we are after His blessings. Not because we are afraid of His curses. We follow Him because He is God. Whether or not He answers our prayers, we trust that He is never wrong, and He is never late. And until we have that faith, we will always be one step away from turning away from Him. We will always sink when we try to walk on water.

Set apart.

“She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.” 

                                     ― Joanne Harris

In haze.

My brain is bleeding with inarticulable words.

I'm happy, and I'm grateful for everything that God has blessed me with.

Still, with each passing day, it gets clearer that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. That somewhere, someone, something is calling out for me. Right now, I feel like a drop of oil in the middle of the ocean--immiscible and out of place.

There's so much more to life than this, I know. There's so much more to see, feel, breathe. But for now, I'll keep treading these waters and keep fumbling in this haze, wishing, hoping I'm heading towards where I want to be.

Sunday Lessons: We were never called to exist for ourselves.

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

                                                                                                    - Matthew 5:13-16

"Information translates to obligation."

This is actually why I was "burdened" to write Sunday Lessons. It doesn't matter if each post gets only 10 or 20 views. I feel like I'd be depriving the world so much knowledge if I don't write down what I learn. 

"We know we are Christians when the lives of the people around us become better simply because they know us."

I do not know for sure. I can only hope. I can only hope that somehow, in some ways, I am a light in other people's darkness. I don't have to be a lighthouse; being a firefly is enough for me. And if people are hesitant to curse in my presence, or if they get to know God's Word through me, or if they get to see God's greatness through me, then maybe, just maybe, I already am a firefly.

Sunday Lessons: God is God. He knows what He wants to do.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are My ways higher than your ways

    and My thoughts than your thoughts."

                                   - Isaiah 55:8-9

There are times when we get angry with God because everything gets messed up, because problems never seem to stop coming. We get angry with God because we asked for something and He hasn't delivered. 

I used to be like that. When I was in my teenage years, I used to think of God as a genie--always ready to grant my wishes, always ready to indulge me my desires. When He wouldn't answer my prayers, I would get bitter and refuse to talk to Him. 

Who are we to demand God? When did the servant get the right to command his Master? 

"It's not about the building you enter every Sunday, not the number of verses you know, not how high you raise your hands during praise and worship. You can tell a person is a Christian by the decisions that he makes."

A Christian does not turn his back on God just because his prayers are unanswered. A Christian does not choose to stray just because life seems to be so hard. A Christian trusts God and His sovereignty, and makes his decisions based on that trust.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

                                                                                      - Romans 8:28