2013: Living Like There's Nothing Left to Lose

But this year, everyday has been Friday for me. It was summer all year. Happiness wasn't the elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that no one could quite find.

2013 has been a collage of beautiful exotic memories--of moments and chances that, like falling stars, may never shoot across my sky again. 2013 has been about redefining and reshaping the borders I have set around myself.

"One day you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you've always wanted. Do it now." 

                                                                      - Paulo Coelho

So I did.

I climbed mountains. I flew and sailed across seas. I took a hundred thousand photographs. I watched one of my best friends get married. I got to know my Savior better and fell even deeper in love, Sunday after Sunday. I stood before breathtaking sunsets. I sang and shouted and cried in praise, in worship. I woke up to beautiful sunrises that peeked through the picture windows of my new room. I wrote down 15 goals at the beginning of the year and achieved 11 of them. I mimicked the Vitruvian Man's pose in the middle of a highway and belted out the chorus of Chasing Cars. I welcomed my birthday lying on wet Camotes sand as meteors showered across the August sky. I ran around the rainy streets of Zamboanga to get home in time for my dad's birthday. I spent Christmas Day celebrating simple joys with friends who by now have become family. I crossed 5 items off my bucket list. I volunteered. I donated blood. I finally stopped thinking of myself and started thinking of others. I caught raindrops on my fingertips, felt the wind in my hair. I laughed. I loved. I lived.

I feel like I've grown so much this year.

For years, I've been living inside the borders of indifference and fear, and I finally realized that I wasn't really living then. I was existing. The fear of being ridiculed, the fear of losing someone or something, the fear of getting hurt, the fear of failure held me back.

"Stop counting the hours. Live out in the world."

                          - Lifehouse

And now I'm flying. I'm soaring. I've never felt so free. I have lived life in the best way I knew how to. I have made the most out of what God has given me, and He has given me so much. So, so much.

2013 in [tiny, square] photographs.

With a happy and grateful heart, I'm moving past all the pains, heartaches, and worries of 2013, and I look forward to whatever God will lay out for me this 2014. Happy New Year!

"Greater things are yet to come."
                        - Chris Tomlin

Disclaimer: The title of this blog post is from this awesome Lifehouse song (which is my favorite running song and to which I can listen on repeat forever). Come to think of it, it can easily be the 2013 soundtrack of my life.

Sunday Lessons: When God wants to humble us, He will.

"Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done

and what I had toiled to achieve,

everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;

nothing was gained under the sun."

                              - Ecclesiastes 2:11

Sometimes, like King Solomon, it takes having everything to realize that we really have nothing.

Sometimes we can get too caught up in ourselves―in our riches, in our achievements, in our abilities, and we forget that we have what we have because it was given to us. We know because He gave us wisdom. We can because He made us able.

Now that a new year is about to begin, I'm giving myself a new challenge: to practice humility to the best that I could, as often as I could, because all I am and all I have is His.

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God.”

                                                      ― Ronald Reagan

Enlightened

For so long, everything has been so dark. Then He shone His light upon me, and filled my heart with so much joy, so much wonder, and above all else, so much hope. I don't think I could be any more grateful.

May everyone be filled by the light of His love not only today, not only this season, but every waking day.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday Lessons: God will intervene.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, 

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

                                  - Proverbs 19:21

Nobody anticipates cancelled trips, or rejection, or breakups. When you've had everything planned to the tiniest detail and something goes wrong, it's maddening.

"Show me your ways, O Lord. Teach me your paths." 

                               - Psalm 25:4

When we are about to make a wrong decision, either of these two things happens: God warns us not to take the step, or God removes us from the situation altogether. Sometimes, in the middle of a storm, God closes the door. We can still open the closed door, but we have to bear with the consequences of going outside. Sometimes, though, He goes so far as locking the door, because He knows the storm is too strong for us.

Yes, it can be frustrating and heartbreaking. But our God is a God who knows all things. By intervening, He might be saving you from something--bad company, a tragedy, or a bigger heartbreak. Or He might be leading you to a greener pasture.

We just have to remember that no matter how beautiful our plans may seem to be, God's way is always the best way.

2013 Checklist

I wrote these goals down on the last page of my planner before 2013 began, and I'm reviewing them now that the year has almost ended. 

Read the Bible everyday.

Despite missing on some days, I still consider this done. When I bought my copy of Our Daily Bread 2013 late last year in hopes that I would start opening my Bible again, I didn't expect I would actually see it through. It's been a year now, and it's the first thing I read upon waking up. Some days, the reading makes me sad; some days it makes me happy. But every waking day has never been the same since.

Run 10km.

This. I was planning to run 10km for the Silver Run, supposedly last December 1, but it was moved to February 2, next year. I guess it's just not for me yet.

Buy new lens.

Done. I bought my inexpensive Tamron 18-200mm zoom lens last January, and I'm still so in love with it.

Get passport.

This was one of the reasons I went home last October. Getting a passport in Cebu is a nightmare.

Travel.

This year, I've been to Leyte, Badian, Sumilon, Cordova, Iloilo, Guimaras, Kalibo, Boracay, Manila (never left the airport, though.LOL), Camotes, and Medellin. I've seen beautiful, beautiful things. I still want to travel next year, but I already feel so blessed to have gone to so many places and experienced so many things.

Visit home.

I was able to go home twice this year--for my niece's birthday, and then for my dad's. Nothing beats the comfort and joy of having your family around.

Get published.

I have done a few photography jobs pro-bono for friends, but I guess I won't see the final prints until next year.

Join a photography contest.

I was ambitious enough to submit an entry to the Nikon Photo Contest, and unsurprisingly, I didn't win. It's all good, though. I just really wanted to try putting my work out there.

Create a photostory.

This is my first photostory. Well, I call them photographic narratives, but it's basically the same. The others are here, here, here, here, and here. These projects have been helpful not only for my creativity, but also in becoming more confident in directing during shoots.

Decrease soda intake.

I still consider this a success because I only violated my "no soda on Sundays" rule twice this year. Or thrice. Maybe thrice. I'm planning to step up and include Wednesdays next year.

Run at least once a week.

This is a complete failure. I've gone months without running. I recently bought a new pair of running shoes to motivate me, but it's hard to run in December.LOL

Read at least 13 books.

I've read 30 books this year! More than twice the goal, and I still have two weeks left to read a few more. The Fault in Our Stars is probably the most unforgettable, and I've fallen in love with John Green and all his books, but I also loved Nick Vujicic's Life Without Limits, David Levithan's The Lover's Dictionary, Natalie Babbitt's Tuck Everlasting, and Lang Leav's Love & Misadventure. Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes was a good read, too.

Buy new phone.

I wish I could say I bought my phone, but it was really a gift from my mom, so I'm crossing off just the "new phone" part.LOL

Learn flash photography.

I still wasn't able to buy an external flash unit, so this has to wait until next year.

Create travel album.

I had so much fun selecting the photos for this album, and I love looking at them from time to time. I'm really looking forward to visiting more places and adding more photos to the collection.

Wow. 11 out of 15. I couldn't complain. I actually didn't expect to cross off most of these goals, but it helped that they were specific and realistic. Now I shall start listing down my goals for next year. It's going to be so exciting.

Note slash disclaimer: This post is partly inspired by Anne Uy's new year posts. She has checklists like this on her blog.

Sunday Lessons: God will connect the dots for us.

"I came to Him unsure about the future. 

I remain with Him certain about my destiny." 

                               - Ravi Zacharias

Two Sundays ago, I went to church heavily confused and desperate.

Last Sunday, I went again, no longer desperate but still confused.

Today, neither confused nor desperate, I went with a content heart. God heals. God comforts. God makes everything alright. 

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. 

You believe in God; believe also in Me." 

                          - John 14:1

In my September 22 post, I wrote about my uncertainties about the future. Today, I'm still not sure where I will be and what I will be doing a year from now. But I know where I won't be, and what I won't be doing. Slowly but surely, He is unfolding His plan before my eyes. And someday, in His time, I will be able to see it in perfect clarity.

"Problems will be solved.

Confusion will be clarified.

Darkness will be enlightened."

Three posts in a row? Surprising, I know.

I didn't post anything last week. Everything was just so overwhelming. It was nothing big, nothing mind-shattering, but even small stones when thrown together can hurt.

At the end of that rollercoaster ride, however, I could only say one thing with utmost certainty: God is faithful. 

And I'm so grateful. I'm so, so grateful.

Metanoia

I wonder if I have changed. It's been a year, and I feel like a different person, but I wonder if I've changed. I wonder if people can see that I've been reborn.

I wrote that on my April 28, 2013's Sunday notes, and until now, I still don't know the answer. I feel so different on the inside, but am I different to the people in my life? Could they see? I hope they could. I pray they could.

Sunday Lessons: Give as He has given to you.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms."

                  - 1 Peter 4:8-10

I could say that selflessness is one of the biggest lessons God taught me this year--to share what I've been given. To help simply because I can help. To give what I can, willingly and without grudges. He has given me so many opportunities, and I hope and pray that I've done what He wanted me to do, that I gave what He wanted me to give, and that I learned what He wanted me to learn.

And I pray that I will never forget what I have learned.

Sunday Lessons: In every circumstance, God is with us.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

                             - James 1:2-4

One afternoon while browsing at National Bookstore, I came across a book—pardon me for forgetting the title—which lists several arguments supporting the idea that God does not exist. Most of the arguments, I've noticed, boil down to the existence of suffering; apparently the existence of suffering is the antithesis to the existence of God.

"If God makes life easy, we will never grow."

It's not simple logic, I know. I know it's not an easy thing to comprehend. It's easier to ask, "If there is a God and He loves me and is with me, why does He allow me to suffer?" I guess we can put it like this: When a storm comes and wipes away everything and everyone has to start again, we know that a person who is trained to work has better chances to survive compared to a person who has never worked a day in his life, who has had everything handed to him on a silver platter.

That is what suffering does to us: it prepares us for something bigger, something greater than anything we can imagine. The hardest battles make the strongest soldiers.

Yes, in every circumstance, He is with us—at our highest and at our lowest. Maybe it does not make a lot of sense now, but have faith that it will all make sense in the end.

Sunday Lessons: Trust God.

Few days after the supertyphoon Yolanda hit the country, everything was chaotic. The victims had no food and shelter. Communication systems were down. Roads were unpassable. Relief operations were so slow. Hope was dwindling down.

"Broken dreams are not the end of the road. 

They are the beginning of new dreams 

and a new direction in life." 

                                                 - Anonymous

But eventually, the sun shone. Aid came flooding in. Forgetting conflicts and differences, the world has become one big helping hand for the Philippines and the Filipino people.

"I waited patiently for the Lord.

He turned to me and heard my cry."

                        - Psalm 40:1

While talking about how the roof of the Tacloban Bible Community church had been blown off by the supertyphoon, Pastor Dennis Nordine said, "There was now a skylight. They could see all the way up to the heavens!"

With faith, we see things in a different light. With faith, we are assured that He will provide us with everything we need, no matter how bleak the future seems to be at the moment.

Trust God. Trust God to make everything fall into place.

We will be okay, Philippines. We will stand again. We just have to trust Him.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding."

                       - Proverbs 3:5

Sunday Lessons: Life is ours because it was given to us.

Currently, Cebu City is more or less back to normal. Power and water supplies have been restored. Streets are clean. Spirits are lifted. I am grateful. I will forever be grateful.

"If you wished the typhoon changed directions, then you didn't get it. If after the storm, you were bragging about how you weren't hit badly, then you didn't get it."

Before the calamity struck, there was a friend who posted a Facebook status about the typhoon, wondering why it would be passing the Philippines instead of China. I was so tempted to comment in shouty capitals.

Yes, I wished we didn't have to suffer, but I didn't wish that other people would suffer in our place. That's just...incredibly selfish. We are not supposed to wish harm on others; we are supposed to help them. We are not supposed to put people down; we should lift each other up.

Yes, I can say that we've been very blessed to have not gone through devastating fatalities, both during the 7.2 magnitude earthquake and the category 5 typhoon. But that only means that we are in the ideal position to help those who had suffered worse. We are in no position to brag, to feel so superior. 

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

                                          -Ephesians 2:8

Let's share the grace that we've been given. The rest of the Visayas needs us. The littlest help can make a big, big difference.

For a list of drop-off centers and other ways to help, please visit this Facebook page.

Sunday Lessons: Show Him to someone who is willing to see.

"He was in the world, and though the world was made through Him, 

the world did not recognize Him."

                                        - John 1:10

One important lesson I have learned along my own journey is that rushing and pushing cannot bring a person closer to the Lord. Guilt trips, reprimands, and criticisms did not lead me to His doorstep and make me long to know Him. Instead, these created a negativity inside me that leaked into every crack, every hollow space.

Preaching to someone who has a closed mind and heart is like knocking on an empty house and expecting someone to open the door for you. Wait and be patient. Wait until he gets there to open the door.

"Keep your heart open to hope."

One must be willing to accept Him. One must be willing to be changed by Him. Until then, all we can really do is pray and keep our hearts open.

"But if we hope for that which we don't see, we wait for it with patience."

                                                              - Romans 8:25

Winds of Change

Suddenly the world was changing. 

The reckless wind came blowing, 

wiping away all traces

of everything I've ever known.

And there I was,

swept under the unassuming bush;

Still, silent, aching,

watching the world pass me by.

Sunday Lessons: Do things for the approval of God.

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."

                                                                                                  - Matthew 5-8

It's easy to get our priorities all mixed up. Sometimes, the things we are supposed to do for God end up being done for the approval of our audience. We end up being performers in a play with a hundred facades, eager to please anyone who's watching. Sometimes doing the right thing becomes appearing to do the right thing--doing righteous acts with the wrong motives.

“The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”

                                                           - John Wooden

I'd like to revise that quote and change "when no one is watching" to "when only God is watching."

Let's not be hypocrites. Let's not blow trumpets when we pray, when we fast, or when we help. Let's do things for the approval of God, not for the praise of people.

Sunday Lessons: A disaster may be God's gateway for you and me.

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand 

and says to you, 

Do not fear; I will help you." 

                                 - Isaiah 41:13

No one saw it coming.

Well, scientifically, no one could see it coming. Earthquakes cannot be predicted. Technology, in all its advancements, still has not found a way to foresee the occurrence of earthquakes.

Some say it's a punishment, a manifestation of God's wrath. 

Maybe it is; maybe it's not.

Maybe, just maybe, it's a call.

Suffering does not come from God, but I believe that God allows suffering so that we can stop thinking of ourselves and start thinking about others.  

The charity and kindness I've witnessed--first during the Zamboanga crisis, and now the Bohol-Cebu calamity--have blown me away. We Filipinos have shown that regardless of differences, we are one people. We have shown that we all have something to give--cash, kind, service, prayers--and that no one has too little after all. That what God has given us, we can share with those in need.

Right now, we are still collecting funds for the next batch of relief goods for the earthquake victims. I could swear that God had called me by name for this. He lit a fire in my heart, and I was so restless. It was a beautiful kind of restlessness, though. It was a restlessness that made me look forward to waking up in the morning. It was a restlessness that told me I could do something, that He could use me, that I could make a change.

October 15, 2013 -- Chong Hua Hospital. Photo by Wendell Stars Contento

"Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

                                    - John 13:34

He is calling us. Let's answer Him.

Clarity

In the distance, the sun is sinking—the sunlight casting golden highlights in her hair, on her hands, on her feet.

Light filled every corner, every crack. Suddenly she can sense everything in perfect clarity. The sky has never been bluer. The clouds have never been whiter. She has never felt so free.

She was seeing the world for the first time. The world, she realized with staggering wonder, is a beautiful place.

Inspired a bit by Zhang Jingna and a lot by this moment.