Jeremiah 29:11

I had an overwhelming urge to write, which is so rare these days, I just had to give in.

There is a fine line between contentment and settling.

In the past year, I’ve seen people get engaged, get married, move halfway across the globe, land their dream jobs... and I tried to check my heart for bitterness, but there honestly wasn’t. I’d like to believe that I’ve learned to trust in God’s timing and sovereignty, and in the knowledge that His plans for me will always be better than what I have for myself. That He wouldn’t place me where He doesn’t want me. That what is meant for me can never pass me by.

I was watching “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” last night and it made me realize that you don’t have to be great in the wordly sense; you just have to be great in the eyes of people who matter. You just have to be the best person you can be, given the circumstances.

Am I content? Yes. Am I still hoping for God to answer my prayers? Yes. “I can live with someday, as long as I know it’s coming.” I don’t remember who said that line, but it always resonated with me. So here I am, trying to make the most out of the present, and hoping for the best for tomorrow, always pressing forward, always holding on to His promises.

"If I could bottle this moment, I would, and I would sip from it to soften the harder days." - Roshan James

Happiest when travelling.♥

I can't wait for next year.♥

Just Be Held

It's 3AM and I'm in my pajamas, sipping from my already cold mug of swiss miss when Spotify chooses to play this song.

Lately, I've been thinking about how uninspired I am. I miss the days when I could turn my ideas into something tangible--days when I would just grab my camera and go outside to capture something beautiful, or when I wouldn't notice the hours passing because I was so engrossed in my painting. I guess, more than anything, I miss being surrounded with so much beauty to inspire me.

I try not to be resentful of where He has chosen to place me. I try to still see the world through grateful eyes, even though it's slowly losing its colors. And I'm praying so hard that this phase will soon be over, that this divine discontent will soon be overcome by the truth that God is enough and He is sovereign and He works for the good of those who love Him.

For now, I shall hold onto these words: 

"Your world's not falling apart; it's falling into place." 

                   - Casting Crowns, Just Be Held

A Letter to Vincent van Gogh

I know you're gone, and have been for a long time, but my heart still breaks for you. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that life returned so little of the love that you gave it. I'm sorry that you felt so lost in the world that was supposed to make you feel safe.

Yes, you were different. Yes, you were difficult. Aren't we all, at some point? I wish I could've told you that it's okay. That you didn't have to be too hard on yourself. That it's alright not to have everything figured out. That one day, all that pain will finally make sense.

Above all, I wish you could've felt all the love that the world is finally, finally giving you now. I wish you could've seen the wonder on our faces, felt the awe in our hearts whenever we look at what you have created. 

And so my heart still breaks for you, more than a century after you died. Because you left without seeing.

16 Things I Want To Tell Myself Before 2016 Comes

that I want to tell you, too.

1. Keep chasing your dreams. Slowly. One step at a time.

2. Do what you can with what you have to the best of your ability. “Do everything with so much love that you would never have it any other way.” - Yogi Desai

3. Be less afraid of vulnerability. Open up. Express. Allow yourself to fail, to be hurt, to be rejected. Allow yourself to try.

4. Imagine possibilities.

5. Strive to be the best version of yourself. Discover what you’re good at. Take classes. Watch YouTube videos. Buy textbooks. Practice. 

6. Allow yourself to say no to the unhealthy – be it food, habits, or even relationships.

7. Find time to write. Write, and write often. Years from now, you will thank yourself not only for the memories, but also for the wisdom.

8. Travel. Go to places you’ve never been before. The world is waiting to be seen.

9. Give more.

10. Make time for what you love. Read good books. Make beautiful art. Find beautiful places. Watch the sunrise. Watch the sunset. Look up at the millions of stars shining for you.

11. Step out of your comfort zone. Try something new. Meet new people. Order a dish you’ve never had before. Widen your horizons.

12. Don’t take everything on a personal level. The world doesn’t revolve around you, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can let go of the grudges and resentment you hold against the people you think are conspiring against you.

13. Love yourself. Stop basing your worth on how other people see you, and remind yourself that contrary to how they may make you feel, you are enough. Stop beating yourself up for not moving mountains or putting up an orphanage or being the next Malala. You're making the world a better place in your own ways. You're beautiful.

14. Love others. I know that sometimes it can be hard to be loving to yourself and loving to others at the same time, especially when you feel like they’re draining you, but I guess the best thing we can do is to give as much love as we can without forgetting to leave some for ourselves. Love the people around you. Love the people away from you. Fill your heart with so much love that hate will have to fight so hard for a space in it.

15. Keep walking with God. There will be times when it will feel like walking in a tunnel. When nothing will make sense. When you’ll get scared and want to turn around. Keep walking. Keep believing.

16. Never stop seeing the world through grateful eyes. Listen for the music in the rain. See the rainbows in puddles. Find the magic in the mundane. Yes, there will always be darkness in this world, but there will also be light to overcome it.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, 

no mind has conceived 

what God has prepared for those who love Him." 

                                           - 1 Cor 2:9

Note To Self

"I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be appreciated, cared for and seen. I deserve someone who is genuinely interested in me. Not because of what I can do for them. Not because of who I know or what I have accomplished. I deserved to be loved and seen, simply because I am me. Just pure love. I deserve someone who wants to listen to me. Someone who wants to hear my thoughts, experience my art and make art with me. I know what I deserve when it comes to love and I have no interest settling for mediocre love. I look forward to my love affair. It’s almost here."

- Brittany Josephina

Dreaming With Eyes Wide Open

This happened 5 days ago and I know I should move on, but the thought that Jason Wade has seen my painting still gives me tachycardiaaaaa.

And I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream. <3>